Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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