I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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