i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
