you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
