I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
