Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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