My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
