she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize