i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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