I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
