I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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