thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she peed on how many people?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
