Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
