i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize