I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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