i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
