we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
