I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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