Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
