dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You're a waste of cheezeits
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
