I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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