Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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