I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
