when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Drunk is not a location!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
