its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
