And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
