Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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