***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
