You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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