Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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