I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
