I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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