Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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