Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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