Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
