i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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