Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
