you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
