I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
