i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
