The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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