You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize