a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
