He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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