I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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