Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
