Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
