So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize