I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
