good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
