i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
