ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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