The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
