I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
