I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
