Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
