Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Bring me that man meat
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
