He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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