is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
