I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Michael Bay diarrhea
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
