I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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