I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
